Of the several resolutions I have made for 2013 (losing
weight, writing more, running more, going to bed earlier, getting up earlier,
etc – you get the picture!) I have also decided to be a bit braver on my
blog. Previously, I’ve tried to focus on
being a writer rather than a person, almost afraid to reveal what makes me
tick. Of course, who and what we are is
inextricably linked to the way in which we create our words and stories.
Because of my life experiences, my fictional characters have
to work for their positive outcomes. I hesitate
to use the word “happy” ending but prefer to opt for hopeful instead. In Coming
Home, my latest book, Kira, the teenage protagonist, undergoes a great deal
of heartache and hardship on the journey to find her lost cats. In the first of my Matty trilogy, Matty and
the Moonlight Horse, my impulsive female heroine falls in love with not one
but two perfect horses. By the end of
Book One, she has neither, but learns
that if dreams don’t come true they can change and evolve – as we do.
Imperfections, anxieties, flaws and fears are what make us
human. Experiences, both positive and
negative, inform and affect our thoughts and creative processes. So how,
you may ask, does this relate to Nigella Lawson?
I am the total opposite of what is termed a domestic
goddess. I can barely cook, for starters
(forgive the pun!) and maybe, just maybe, there is a tiny part of me that
envies those who can. I avoid cookery
programmes on TV and consequently never imagined I could ever have anything in
common with a glamorous celebrity such as Nigella Lawson. Funny how, with the help of the media, we
construct an image of a person we have never met and don’t know and make
judgements. As a writer, who is used to
constructing fictional characters, I credit myself with a level of intelligence
and awareness that should stop me falling into this trap but I can be as guilty
as the next woman.
Back to Nigella, who was recently interviewed in Red
magazine. Normally, I would have skipped
this article but for some reason, I started to read. I’m glad I did. She is refreshingly honest and I found myself
being unexpectedly moved. Nigella “admits”
to being a “catastrophiser.” It is
telling that I use the word “admits” as if it was a guilty secret. I, too, am habitually drawn towards what my
counsellor labelled “catastrophic thinking”.
Basically, this means that in certain situations, my mind will identify
the worst possible scenarios and conclude their inevitability in a process that
seems entirely logical. While this can
be useful as a fiction writer, it can stop me doing activities that most “normal”
people would perform without turning a hair and can really interfere with daily
life. But I try to hide this behavioural
trait since I know from past experience that the majority of people often
regard it as weird and incomprehensible.
Certain life events, such as major bereavement, can reinforce catastrophic
thinking, which Nigella reflects upon, having lost three of the people she
loved to cancer. Something else we have
in common. Dealing with catastrophic
thinking can be an exhausting battle and she describes herself as a worrier and
prone to being fearful, which I can totally identify with. Her frankness resonated enormously and I
have huge respect for this. It was also
a real lesson for me on stereotyping people as a result of media hype. Reading the interview left me feeling
inspired to acknowledge and tackle issues and emotions that I tend to hide
from, and not to shy away from expressing these through my writing.
Oh, and another thing Nigella and I have in common too – a
belief that calorie counting and dieting makes you miserable, “draining the
pleasure out of life”. Well said,
Nigella. I think women everywhere would
agree on that! Although this may make my resolution to lose
weight in 2013 rather tricky…..
